How To Stop Being A 'Yes Man' And Learn To Finally Say No

Some people are born with the natural urge to want to make everyone around them happy, even at their own expense. While it is a good characteristic to some end, continuously doing this can end up affecting them in the long run therefore, this needs to be stopped before this happens. So if you are in the habit of agreeing to everything that people weigh you with at work, school or socially, then you must finally face this. Let's dive into how you can finally stop being a ‘yes man’ and embrace the ability and courage to say ‘no’. 

Understand The Root Cause

More often than not, there's a reason why we don't like saying ‘no’ to other people that may be embedded in our background, experiences or upbringing. If you figure out that you are always agreeing with what people are saying or asking you to do, it may be time for you to reflect on the root cause of this trait. Is it because you are scared of how people will react? Is it because you don't like taking no for an answer? Is it because you were bullied in the past anytime you tried standing up for yourself? Whatever it may be, it's time that you face it. You should keep in mind that you can't control how people react towards you or how they treat you but you are in charge of advocating for yourself regardless. Face the root cause and re-embrace your power to decline to do things that you don't want to do. 

Reflect On Your Values

Your values are at your core, and nothing or no one should be given the power to dismantle them to get to you. This is to say that, you know the things that you prioritise and regard highly. Since you are the one who knows them, act according to them and don't compromise on them just because someone asked you to. If you don't agree with something, learn to say no and move yourself out of that situation. 

Be Assertive

Are you aware of the fact that you are entitled to your thoughts and opinions even when you are talking to someone in a position of power? If you do not take back your power in terms of standing up for yourself by being assertive, you'll be seen as a pushover and more likely than not, people will end up using you because they will have the knowledge that you will agree to it. So instead of swallowing your words and refusing to do something in a way that people can use to easily get you to change your answer, be firm. State exactly how you feel about a situation and if what is being asked of you is too much, embrace the word ‘no’. 

Take Your Time To Think Things Through 

There is a reason why our brain processes things first, before giving us a response. This is because it needs time to weigh the available options and give you the answer that will prove to be the most helpful for you. So instead of just agreeing to everything abruptly as though you are being rushed, take your time. If someone is rushing you, ask for a minute or two to yourself and evaluate the situation before responding to it. That way, you'll be able to review the pros and cons of agreeing to what you've been asked and if you find that the cons outweigh the pros, then this may be your sign to say no. It is not selfish to want to consider things first before either turning them down or agreeing to them. 

Prioritise Yourself 

No matter how selfless you aspire to be, you should draw the line somewhere. You can't just agree to do everything that everyone asks you at your own expense. An example would be agreeing to break any of your values and beliefs so that you can please someone. This isn't sustainable and you should not break yourself, only for other people to be happy. Be kind to yourself and remember that you deserve to be treated well, just as much as anyone else and if that means sometimes saying no and turning your back on things that you don't agree with, then reserve your right to do just that. 

Shift Your Thinking 

Often, people are tricked into saying yes just because it is regarded as being positive. However, what you need to understand is that positivity is not all in the words used but the outcomes of saying those words. So would you say yes to being killed? Or Yes to being robbed just because it’s a word that embodies positivity? There is a reason why you were made to be an objective being and this is one of those cases. Shift your thinking and embrace your truth by agreeing to only the things you want to be a part of and not just everything. 

Embrace The Uncomfortable 

Saying no can be a bit uncomfortable in the moment but this is not the premise on which you should agree to everything. It's normal to be stuck in situations that cause you a little discomfort sometimes. This, however, should not be the reason why you are scared away from refusing and rejecting things you don't want to be a part of. Embrace the uncomfortable so that in the end, you can become comfortable.